You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
