FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
