there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
