My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
