Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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