She said her name was "party"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
