handjob tips. give me some.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
