dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
