the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
