can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
