Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
