If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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