McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
