in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
