She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's blow job season.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
