All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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