3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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