i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
