i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
