I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
