Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
