woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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