I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
