I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
