Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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