you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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