i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
