i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the day after is always just damage control
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
