last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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