i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
