ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
