Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
