I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
