how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
