Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
