Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
