if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
