also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
