I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
