Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
