Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
