wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A+ Viking dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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