TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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