For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
