i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
