i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
