He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
