cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
