I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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