So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
