goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
