So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
