Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
