Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
