I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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