My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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