So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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