You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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