if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
