There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
