No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
