how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
