Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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