No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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