i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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