Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
