Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Jerry, you need to find god
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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