Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
