I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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