We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God, I missed his penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
