Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
