i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Text me some of your sweat
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