No awkward lesbian experiences without me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
